Dante’s Hell is Really Teenaged Girls
Sorry guys and gals I lied. I said that today’s post would be much happier and in a way it kind of is because it’s not about dead people but it is still kind of sad. So not many of you know this in fact I think only two of you do. Anyways, I spent the weekend with my lovely winter guards. I started off only going as a chaperone for the high school guard but then I had to go and perform myself for my independent guard. This is where a weekend of funny stories goes to a weekend of disasters.
I drove down to Austin where they held this WGI event and there was my first mistake. A five hour trip, down to Austin, with a bunch of hyper high school girls. Yay. I know these girls pretty well because I still help out with the guard but holy cow I had forgotten how bad the drama was. I heard about that guy that wants to date all the girls on the guard, I heard about the creepy girl that likes all the blonde girls on the guard, I heard how someone broke up with someone else only to hurt the first someone!!! Oh wow it was funny. So the first night we go eat dinner at Joes Crab Shack and it was pretty good until a girl ordered mozzarella sticks and the waiter heard muscles. So out of the kindness of my heart I gave my shrimp to her and ate muscles and of course they all thought that was the strangest thing ever. So I made them all eat one. Of course they were all a bit squeamish at first but one girl had never eaten shell fish and found out why her parents had never given it to her. She is allergic! So I spent the night in the bathroom with her as she puked everything she had eaten in the past few days. So after I finished that task I had to run to a quick practice of my own. It was super windy outside so I didn’t get a chance to toss any of my rifle tosses but I figured I would be ok. ( boy was I wrong) I get back to my hotel room about 10:30 and flop into bed after a quick shower. But of course I can’t sleep! Why? You might ask? Because there are 17 high school girls laughing, screaming, and prank calling everyone in their contacts. I let them have their fun till midnight when I have to make them go to bed. Then I find that a girl is missing. Awesome!!! So I run down to the lobby and find her sitting talking to a man she doesn’t even know. Yep, that’s the guard whore. The one we have to buy clothes for because she wears clothes that are too small for a stuffed bear. She will flirt with anyone so this was no surprise to find her with this man. So I drag her to her room (no, not literally that would be child abuse) and leave them with a goodnight wish. It’s the next morning now and the girls have to be in the parking lot at 7:00am to practice. I get up at 5:30 and start getting ready for my long arse day and then the fire alarm goes off. Luckily they turn it off before we have to get all the girls out of the building. But they were all up. (note to self get “fire alarm” alarm clock). So they had their practice and preformed and they were amazing I felt like a proud mama. Then I had to run off and warm up for my performance. I was having a little trouble getting my five worked up on rifle but I got two good ones before I left the warm up area and felt really good about it. Then I went out and preformed in front of the gym of people including my high school girls. Everything went really well until I got to my last toss on rifle. This was the 5 that I had been dreading for the past few days because every time I threw it I jammed my thumb. So I was a little worried about my thumb but I threw it. It was so pretty I thought it was the best one I have thrown in a long time but as it came down I knew something was wrong. The angle my rifle was falling to towards me with was extremely bad it was staring to twist and so I adjusted my feet so I could catch it and at that time the rifle fell into my hands. I was super glad I caught it but at that very same moment I felt a horrible pop. Followed by instant pain surprisingly it wasn’t my thumb that was hurting it was my left ring finger. Next I had a flag part that I was responsible for so I sucked it up and finished the show. After we finished I had to show my coach she groaned at me and told me it was broken and I’d be useless for the next week or so. Great, we have a competition next Saturday and I may not get to perform because I can’t catch a rifle right. So the rest of Saturday and today (Sunday) were spent with a wrapped finger and all the rude puns that go along with it. The rest of the day was pretty chill I went to the mall and got everyone the best “Japanese” food in Austin, Texas. Today we drove home and the same drama was brought up but at least they had good things to talk about from the weekend. Of course I was big topic in the conversations and usually the butt of all their crippled jokes. But overall it was a fun weekend from a sarcastic point of view. Well that’s my weekend in a glimpse I hope it was a good form of entertainment for you all
Note to readers don’t get stuck going out of town with younger people when there is a risk of being injured as they found it funny. J
-me
I See Dead People Daily 